What am I supposed to do?

“What am I supposed to do?” – This question has posed a dilemma for humanity since the dawn of civilisation and appears in the bible as a dilemma in the Garden of Eden. I imagine Adam and Eve’s philosophical conversations were perhaps focused on whether to follow their own desire and eat the forbidden fruit, or to do what God had told them to do. Their choice to disobey God led to banishment from Paradise and a life of suffering eked out in the wilderness.

From this biblical story of a ‘hard lesson learned’ it’s understandable that the question “What am I supposed to do?” is an enduring source of anxiety often leading people to seek help and guidance from religious representatives and through interpretation of religious text. In more recent times this perennial question frequently emerges in the exchanges between client and psychotherapist. It can be the reason people come to therapy and is often presented to the therapist as a request for direction and advice.

The question does not have to relate to what is right or wrong, rather it can relate to what is good for people, and how time should be spent to live well. The answer for some may be found in religious teachings and for others in the realization or actualization of personal desires and life ambitions. While others think it important to do their duty for the greater good of family, society, or nature. Importantly, the answer to the question is a matter of personal opinion. Although, I believe that understanding arguments presented by some of history’s greatest philosophers could help people frame ideas around this challenging dilemma.

Philosophical Arguments

The early Greek Philosophers believed that all animals were born with an essence. Animals are driven by their instincts, their nature, and their desires, such as hunger, thirst, and sex. While this is also true for humans, Socrates understood the essence of a human to be ‘rational’. What distinguishes us from animals and makes us human is our ability to reason, to be virtuous, to choose right from wrong. We are rational animals! We learn from Plato’s Republic of Socrates’ belief that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates proposed that to ‘live a good life’ one should spend one’s time engaging in rational reflection and be rewarded with excellence in rational thinking.

For Aristotle, the highest good must be consistent with the maximisation of our faculties as human beings. He considered that our time should be spent developing intellectual virtues such as the ability to use logic and to develop the appropriate character virtues from which to perform right actions. When asked “What am I supposed to do?”, Aristotle replies, “you should be spending more time developing your intelligence and understanding the middle ground between human deficiencies and excess.”

Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) thought that the rightness or wrongness of our actions does not depend on their consequences but on whether they fulfil our duty, which he considered to be essential or a “categorical imperative”. His moral law stated that we must respect each other’s humanity, and to only act in accordance with rules that could hold for everyone. For Kant, to live a good life is to reach the highest good for human beings which is connected to our nature of being both rational and sensible. When asked “What am I supposed to do?” he replies, “you should act rationally, in accordance with a universal moral law.”

On the other hand, Lao-Tzu believed that we should be doing nothing, that is, we should follow the Tao through the art of doing nothing, called Wu Wei. He taught us “the way never acts, but nothing is left undone.” Wu Wei is the noblest of actions according to Taoism. It is a conscious non-action, the deliberate and principled decision to do nothing for a reason. Lao-Tzu believed that human beings are both blessed and cursed by the ability to exercise free will. All other creatures on the planet automatically follow their instincts and programming. They naturally follow the Tao. Humans, however, are capable of acting against their own nature. So, “what am I supposed to do?” the Taoist replies… “you should spend time developing yourself so you can live your life in complete harmony with the universe.”

Existentialist philosophers believe that it doesn’t actually matter what people do because nothing actually matters. According to Jean-Paul Sartre there is no design for a human being and no God to give us a purpose. For Sartre, humans’ have the freedom to give themselves essence and to invent their own purpose and meaning. Whereas Albert Camus believed that nothing or anything that people do matters if it gives personal value. He said, “we are all like ‘Sisyphus’ just rolling boulders up hills, but we should think that he was happy doing that.”

What then is a Psychotherapist supposed to do?:

As a psychotherapist I often work with anxious clients. They can feel lost, stuck, and lack confidence. They seek professional help with difficult dilemmas, unable to face them alone. Working with clients in such distress is challenging. For me having a good understanding of people and a deeper understanding of myself has helped. As Socrates says, “know thy self”. This too is what I hope my clients will achieve by engaging in psychotherapy. I hope this will bring them closer to finding an answer to their own question of “what am I supposed to do?”.

Instead of asking the question “what am I supposed to do?” the answer to the dilemma is perhaps found by spending time reflecting on how or what should I be. Such as, how to be a good person, focusing on the constraint of vices and the extension of virtues. For example, when I’m faced with an angry person instead of asking “what should I do?” perhaps I should ask myself how I should be. Such as, be patient, empathetic, and understanding. Through constant self-reflection, self-awareness and always striving for the middle ground I believe the answer to “what I am supposed to do?” will present itself in the moment.

This post was written by Joe Donohue a humanistic and integrative psychotherapist working from his Dublin 8 private practice since 2013 and currently studying for a Doctorate in Psychotherapy at Dublin City University.